Fine things that come out of the mouth of an almost Four year old

(Also titled why I have no more pride)

From down the hall I hear: 

Moooooom!!!! I need you to wipe my bottom!!! 

Me: you are a big girl.  You can do it yourself! 

Lil: well there is lots of poop.  Lots.  Can you see it? Can you smell it? It is REALLY smelly!!! 

While I was on the phone just now...

Lil: (dancing around the room and singing loudly) I am picking my nooooooose!!! 

Yup.  I am a proud mama.